I will miss you lips and everything attached to them.
If this was a movie
you'd be the right guy
and I'd be the best friend
that you'd fall in love with
in the end.
So I pretty much sleep half my day away and then when it starts getting late I get exhausted even though I should be wide awake.
I had a dream last night that McDonald's was my calling.
Anyways.
My bed is in the middle of my room that smells of paint and everything is in the wrong spot. I'm used to it being 'clean' in there and I miss it.
At least I'm not just depressed because of a boy? I don't think? I don't really know why half the time I'm sad anymore. I'll just be sitting and not doing anything, no facial expressions, anything. It's kind of weird. I don't know if I like it. But other times I'll be okay. meh.
Well, there is a sufficient update on my life so I will be done for now. I need to shower and clean my earrings etc.
'cause I'm broken when I'm open..
Okay,
so after an emo post I feel bad leaving it like that because I don't want to do that because I'm not always emo like that.
I'm dealing.
I sometimes have my moments of crazy sadness where I think about stuff, but I'm okay.
'Cause usually later on I'm fine and realize the reasons I did it again.
But I still have this feeling that everyone hates me.
o well.
I don't need people to like me anyways. =P
I'm gonna run away to Canada.
So now I sit here ready to spill everything out and write an uber long post but I don't know what to type.
Or whether or not I should type.
Since writing is kinda like my therapy...other than shopping.
So we might have been getting carbon monoxide poisoning. fun stuff.
I don't want to eat. Except for my brownies but I know my system will not be pleased with me if I keep up with that.
I already miss him and it hasn't been that long. If it was the right thing to do, why does it hurt so much? I mean, it's not like I didn't have fun with him and everything, it's just I changed. Whether that was for better or for worse I don't know yet. I hate how it hurts though, and that I'm not the only one feeling it. I feel like such a horrible person because I put someone else through this, and that I've caused someone so much pain..and since I moved I don't really have anyone to lean on anymore. I don't have the people I'd talk to about it with and I don't have the house I can go to and pig out on ice cream and watch sappy movies. Then I find out that my old boss still hates my guts with a passion and rants about me to anyone that knows me/he thinks will listen. What a way to go away. Stupid heads. I hate how people pretend to be happy with you and be your friend and go around saying crud about how horrible you apparently are.
I need something.
What I need I can't have anymore though.
I ruined it.
Good job me!
Anyways. I still have no job, and I'm not gonna go to college until next Fall. If I go. I mean, why should I? I don't even know what I want to do with my life. The only thing college wise that has actually appealed to me lately is going with Jen in Canada for Forensics. How would I be able to get a job for that here?
I feel inadequate.
Well,
I'll hate myself one more night.
Since I already have.
Who knows how this night will go.
untitled.
So I did it again.
I'm horrible.
If it wasn't true I would be able to get to sleep tonight.
I'm allowed to hate myself for just one night...right?
But then I'm going to have to suck it up and deal.
I'm not very good at sucking up and dealing.
I hope we'll still be friends.
I hope you'll want that.
I hope we're capable of that.
I still love you.
I'm sorry.
